But with that being said our spiritual pilgrimage is still up hill.
(Here is our Baby Christian, or little Shep. He is so beautiful!)
I would like to quote a book I am currently reading called The Shack. It is a lengthy quote but worth the read,
"Emotions are the colors of the soul; they are spectacular and incredible. When you don't feel the world becomes dull and colorless....So help me understand them, pleaded Mack. Not much to understand, actually. They just are. They are neither bad nor good; they just exist. Here is something that will help you sort this out in your mind, Mackenzie. Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. Most emotions are responses to perception-what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. So check your perceptions, and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms- what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn't make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in the truth, the more your emotions will help you see clearly. But even then, you don't want to trust them more than Me." this is spoken by Sarayu a character playing the part of The Holy Spirit.
(Here is Emily, regressing. We got out the exersaucer for Baby Christian and Emily has decided she likes to play with it too!)
What we believe, what we think affects us in astronomical ways. I am reading a book with my Dad right now entitled Renovation of The Heart by Dallas Willard and the entire book is about spiritual transformation. How can we become more like Christ. The premise of the book is that, as we submit our hearts to Christ, God The Father and His Holy Spirit, our thoughts will be pure and holy leading unto pure and holy emotions or feelings and subsequent actions, relationships and as a whole, genuine, pure, authentic Christlike lives. Of the Glory of such a life, and yet it all starts in the microscopic realm of our heart. What am I doing with the issues that filter through my heart? Am I handing them one by one to The Sovereign Creator or am I clinging to them with worry and selfish ambition? This makes all the difference in the world for from it come my thoughts, feelings, actions, relationships and my life.
(Here is Kevin after he "bounced" Christian to sleep. Little man is getting some teeth so we have had some restless nights!)
The quote above from The Shack is healing. For it teaches us that in every situation we have a choice. And that choice will paint the color of our days. Are we going to choose gray and see things critically, selfishly, pessimistically or are we going to choose a shade of blue and see the freshness of each encounter, see the crisp opportunities of each situation? We have the power to choose and Gods Spirit has the power to change! What a blessing!
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of Gods Wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Summing it up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies."
Philippians 4:6-9 The Message
(Here is baby Christian, he doesn't have a care in the world, so long as he's gotten good sleep and yummy stuff to eat! After this picture was taken, his daddy changed his clothes. We were afraid he wasn't getting circulation to his peripheral limbs!)
For me right now I simply feel overwhelmed!
We are moving in a month,
I am trying to begin homeschooling Emily, wondering if I need to return to school to get a teacher certification so that I can effectively home school our children,
I am trying to save as much money as possible to move us out of debt, which
means home cooked meals, no more dry cleaning and limited nights out.
I am also trying to keep our house clean, the laundry done, and myself somewhat appealing in appearance.
Not to mention disciplining Emily as she faces her own self will
and trying to stop and enjoy the great beauty contained withing the smile of both Emily and Christian.
Plus,keeping Kevin and I together in our marriage.
Trying to make times for us to get away alone and really talk like we use to
before the little ones came.
Did I mention I am speaking to my Dads students next week about nutrition?
(Whew! I am overwhelmed just re-reading that statement!)
But put into practice the advice of Sarayu and change my paradigm
We are getting a new home!
God has called us to homeschool and will provide me with everything I need to do it! All I have to do is obey Him!
We are called to be stewards of Gods money!
I get to cook and care for an entire family!
I have two beautiful children to care for!
And I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage to enjoy for many years to come!
I feel I must give my husband credit. Today I came home from Mommy group a little (okay maybe a lot) disheartened. Emily is trying to learn how to be a good friend (aren't we all?). She continues to wrestle with expressing herself and often resorts to aggression when she is frustrated. This is generally not accepted among her peers and is hard for us all to push through.
She made it through the entire Mommy group without any incidents until the very end of our time there she grabbed Lydia, a 10 month old baby in the face. I was horrified as I saw it happening but it was too late and there was nothing I could do, except for apologize to both the child and the mother and explain to Emily how what she had done was wrong. My heart breaks for her each time this happens. I don't truly understand what causes her to do it but it is a huge obstacle for us right now.
As we drove away, all of the issues I am facing right now starting pouring in. All in the color gray. I felt defeated and discouraged. I felt like a failure and I felt as if everyone at Mommy Group probably hates me.
I came home and sought counsel from my (poor) husband who hears many of my saga stories and he reminded me of the power of optimism, not knowing that God had already done a work in my heart on this very issue earlier this morning.
Optimism...
Maybe these issues with aggression in Emily will help the two of us to draw closer together.
Maybe God is teaching me to be more considerate of others in it.
Maybe one day I will be able to help another Mommy who will struggle with the same issues?
Not to mention that this is an opportunity for me to reach out to the other Mommies on our group instead of closing myself off from everyone because I feel out of place.
Praise God that He loves me enough to work in my heart to change me and not leave me the way I am!
Here is a picture of Emily and Grandma Judy. We got to visit with her last week. What a blessing to have godly people in our lives. Even if they do live in Panama City!
Father, I pray You will work in my heart Lord. Change me from the very inner core outward. Leave no stone unturned and create in me a clean, pure authentic heart that thirsts after You. Cause me to live obediently to all that You have taught me and let me not fall into pharisee ways, knowing so many truths, but never living them out in my own heart. Oh Lord I pray You will change my heart, change my thoughts, let my emotions be pleasing to You, my relationships for Your Glory and my life a sacrifice for Your Kingdom. No more words Dear Lord, let there be actions! Let me continually look up unto You!
Let God work a new work in you today! See through a shade of blue, pink or purple. Put away the drab and the gray and see the world as God has called us to. As an opportunity to give every trial and challenge over to Him and grow closer to Him, grow more like Him as your choose to
serve Him in each challenge an every trial.
Imitate The Christ!
