I would like to take a moment to praise my husband. Today it occurred to me that he is one of the greatest gifts that God has given me.
Here we are when we were first dating. It was actually taken right at 4 years ago. Can you believe we have only known each other for four years!
Many mornings, Lord Willing, I get up and do my quiet time. Typically after my quiet time I will go for a walk but sometimes, when I feel led to do so, I climb into bed with Kevin and we talk.
This morning, I woke up and there was a definite lack of peace in my heart. Internal struggles have been getting the best of me and I have been quite needy emotionally. I couldn't figure out what to study for my quite time ( my Bible Studies are over). So I prayed some and then worked on some Christmas projects. I made some bread for our thanksgiving feast and then I climbed into bed with Kev. He has had quite a tough week at work and I knew he would appreciate a back rub.
As I started to rub his back, he asked me the familiar question..."How are you this morning?" When he asks me this question, we both know it is a "emotional check up". Ok.... I said in a feeble unsure voice. What's wrong?, was his reply. After a few rounds of coaxing, eventually I expelled all of my worries to him and feeling quite horrible about "downloading" my negative worries on my fella before he even had a chance to get out of bed, I apologized for the negativity I had brought into his world. He assured me...it is good to talk about it. You will feel better.
This was taken at Kevin's parents house. This too was another photo taken during our dating months.
It never ceases to amaze me the questions he asks me at these early hours, before he is fully awake. But this Thanksgiving morning he asked me..."Do you start your day with a to do list and then evaluate yourself each day according to your performance?" "Well Yeah...Duh!" I said. That is what I do each morning. I get up and pray through concerns, write our what God is speaking to my heart about how I should respond to these concerns and then I pray that He would grant me His strength to obey Him.
Unfortunately, as the day progresses, I run into moments where the pressures squeeze out the flesh instead of the spirit. I don't react to the circumstances the way I promised God I would and the result is a great shame that consumes me and I find myself walking in guilt. Many days I am unable to cross off the "to do's" and I feel like a failure for not completing the tasks I set out to conquer. I have failed to abide within my list...my rules for the day.
This guilt typically ingnites a cycle of pitiful behavior. Because I feel guilty, I act terrible and then I feel more guilt and so on....
Anyway, upon my responding affirmatively to Kevin's inquiry about my list, he replied...well there's is your problem. You will never succeed in the spiritual life if this is the way you are approaching your day.
I was totally disgruntled. Every book I read tells me to pray over the areas of my life and then make lists. Follow the lists and then you'll become the person you are longing to be.
"What does it say about lists in the scriptures?" Kevin asks me...
Pharisee I say.
Ouch!
Am I a Pharisee?
Kevin went on to talk with me through some major root issues in my life. What is at the root of your problems he asks, Satan I say. How is he getting at you? Lies. How can you battle him? Truth. Memorize scripture. There is your answer Lesli he says.
The real problem, he says is you are not living in grace. Christ died so that you would live by His Spirit and walk in Grace. I am walking carrying the law and the law in return is giving me death. The Spirit, and The Spirit alone is life.
Here we are right after he proposed. He had a surprise engagement party for me awaiting at his parents house.
Are you carrying a "to do" list? What motivates your list? Is it to bring honor and glory to our Lord and Savior? Or is it to bring yourself honor and glory? Is it to give you a sense of worth? A sense of purpose or accomplishment?
Oh brothers and sisters in Christ, How we need to let The I Am be our satisfaction completely. How we need to let Him guide our every moment. How we need to obey Him and not be a slave to our "to do list".
The irony of it all is one day this week, during my early morning walk, several leaves, beautifully arrayed with the colors of fall, gently drifted before my eyes as they made their way to the ground. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. As the leaves drifted before me so effortlessly and gracefully I began to realize that this is indeed how Christ wants for us to live our lives. He longs for us to drift gracefully through life, from one encounter to the next. Living from His grace and as a result living gracefully with those amongst us. As we receive grace we are able to give grace and how harmoniously beautiful it is. It is the fragrance of Christs Kingdom.
This is us this past July 4th. Aren't we goofy!
"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing...These things I have spoken to you that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:5,11-12
How I love the word pictures Christ gives us in the gospels! I can think of no better illustration that a whithered branch, lifeless and dead to illustrate how I feel when I try to cling to my list and function on my own strength. It is pitiful, frustrating and lifeless. But when I walk in His Spirit, there is indeed life and there is indeed fruit. I feel like the well watered garden spoken of in Isaiah~
Isaiah 58:11
"The LORD (covenant Maker) will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
Praise God! How blessed we are to have the soul satisfying nourishment He gives. Give me no other substitute! Give me Jesus!
So from all of this what did I learn?
1. My husband is awesome and I love him very much and I am very lucky to have him in my life!
2. I need to evaluate the motivation behind my to do list each day. Am I doing the things I am listing for His glory or mine?
3. Carry the list with me through the day but let His Spirit guide my actions. If God leads me to sit with Emily and read when I am suppose to be vacuuming I better sit and read or I am sure to whither and look like a pitiful wilted tulip in no time!
4. When you blow it. When your actions bring you sorrow and grief. When you respond so far from how you pray to respond. Don't walk in unnecessary defeat. Picture Jesus Christ Himself, reaching down a hand to you, extending grace and forgiveness. Confess your frailty to Him, Confess how you have sinned, Receive His Forgiveness and move on. Walk away with the newness of life that He extends to those who seek it. Don't waste His most precious gift. Confess your sins quickly, receive His forgiveness entirely and repent. Turn. Pivot away from the direction of death in which you are headed and move towards the life that is found in walking in Him.
Oh The Glory of Walking With Him!
How I want to thrive for Christ. Thank You Sweetie for all of the ways you help me in my spiritual pilgrimage!
